"It’s been 5 years since I first saw you and thought that you were the
cutest thing that I had ever seen.
It’s been 4 years since I saw you again, and realized just how beautiful you are.
It’s been 3 years since we started talking every day. It was that year that I discovered your beauty didn’t stop at your face, but went so much deeper than that. In that year, you were everything I ever wanted. I fell in love with you more quickly than I ever anticipated, and the momentum of the fall has not eased at all. Sometimes I feel like I’m still falling.
It’s been 2 years since you broke my heart for the first time. You said that you’d never loved me, that it was all in my head. And maybe that was true, but as awful as that was, it didn’t change the way I felt about you.
It’s been a year since you found that other boy. I talked with you for hours about him. I wanted you to be happy, but I also wanted you to want me. I spent that year hoping that you would realize that my love for you was something beautiful, something that you could fill you with joy. That year drained the life out of me.
It’s been 9 months since you came back to me and filled my head with hopeful dreams. We spent hours on the phone, and I never wanted to hang up. I truly thought you had seen some beauty in me. I thought you finally wanted to receive the love that I so desperately wanted to give. I thought wrong.
It’s been 5 months since you broke my heart again. This time you didn’t say a word. You didn’t deny what we had or where it could go, you just left. You told me he was back in your life, and that you had to choose. But the decision was made, and I knew it.
It’s been 4 months since I walked away. I couldn’t fall back into this deadly rhythm that I’ve based the last 5 years of my life around. I’ve lost all hope, and I don’t know what love is. I keep walking forward, hoping that I can break away from all the pain and sadness, but for some reason I keep looking back, as if my love for you were some hideous car crash that I could not take my eyes off of.
It’s been 5 years since I was ever truly free."
